I'm starting to wonder if I've become bi-polar.
Most of the time I'll be okay, than out of nowhere, an Emeril "BAM!" and I'm utterly miserable.
Nowadays there is no trigger.
Just sudden sorrow.

People, do me a favor if possible.
If you schedule something with me, do not change your plans and leave me hanging.
Family emergency, understandable.
Chasing a booty call, not really.
Generally, I'm hurting right now.
I don't need disappointment from the people I place trust in right now.
Cuz trust is my big issue.

Many have been wondering why I'd prefer to try to work things out now as opposed to waiting 'til later.
In cases involving me letting down others, I've always opted to give space and time in hopes of mending wounds.

In my experience, this hasn't worked yet.
All it does is nurture hatred and let it grow.
End result, damaged relationships with little hope of recovery.
Take my first ex for example.
It's been 9 and a half years since she sent me spiraling down into my first nervous breakdown.
Do I want to speak to the she-bitch?

Hell no.

Her face, her voice, her cheap flowery perfume, they all send me into an intense hatred that rivals that of the "phrase."
People that know "the phrase" and have seen the end result are probably finding themselves saying "daaaamn." right now.
So yea, there are times when space won't solve anything, just make things worse.

I would also prefer to work things out while we still have the freetime to do so.
She starts school again on the 17th.
Culinary school starts February 9th for me assuming a small miracle happens for me in the next few days.
I've managed to convince them to hold my spot 'til Tuesday citing "possible postal issues."
Basically, if we did try to start patching things up in the future there wouldn't be much time to do so.
Sandee being too busy with her last semester of nursing school.
Myself with culinary school and off hours spent working to cover loan payments after graduation.

What about after graduation?
More than likely we'll be too busy working and any love between us will be gone or forgotten in the new hectic schedules.

Would getting back with her be a cure-all to all of my problems?
No. It'd be a nice start though.

Who reads this?
Your thoughts and identity would be appreciated.

Wondering if I'm meant to be like the lonely, old man I was having a conversation with at Starbucks tonight...

An empty house with just me and my thoughts doesn't make for a great combo.

The Random Quote:
"If you're somebody who's nobody, it's no fun to be around anybody who's everybody." - Anonymous